Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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