I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
