I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
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you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
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I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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