awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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