If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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