I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
