I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
