U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
