turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
