For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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