my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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