she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
