saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Ambien. No doubt about it.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
