Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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