I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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