I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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