Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
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