if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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