Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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