I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
