Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
