he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
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it's like heaven, but drunker
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
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I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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