she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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