Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
this must be what syphilis tastes like
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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