Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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