I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
