I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
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I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
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And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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