Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
