Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
