My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
