I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
