so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
