I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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