the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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