you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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