When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
