Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
