Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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