go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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