there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
