The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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