he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
