I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
