Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
