My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
