so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
