Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
