dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Houston, we have a blender
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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