he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
