In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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