i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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