wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
