I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
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And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
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Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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