I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
