When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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