The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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