Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
