He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
