Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize