I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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