ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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