i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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