yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize