i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
