Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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