I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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