Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
