I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
