I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.