This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16