It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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