I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.