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I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
There r osticjed everywhere
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
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