He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell